It is often said that religion and politics are two of the most polarizing topics that people can discuss. In America, we are experiencing some of the most intense political controversies in the 20^th century. Topics like the Trump Impeachment and trending hashtags like #ImpeachAndConvict are dividing the nation while the world is notably taking sides.

I am admittedly over an hour behind in my daily schedule as I write this post which was inspired by a conversation, I had with a friend that lives in another country. The Trump Impeachment has the world tuned in to what will happen to the leader of the free world. We all sit and wait poised to answer the question: Is President Trump a liar, cheater, egotist, pig and a string of other expletives I am too ladylike to say or write down?

Whether or not you believe all the claims against Trump or you agree he should be impeached, there is one thing we all need to remember; yelling, screaming, name-calling and obstinate behavior are not the answer. If you want to resolve the issues, we must practice effective communication:

[Tweet “Seek first to understand and then to be understood. – Steven R. Covey”]

Speaking at someone isn’t helpful or edifying. For others to really hear what you’re saying there are 4 things that need to happen.

4 Musts of Communication

1. Have a desire to listen and understand the other person’s point of view.
2. Clearly express your own opinions, in a way that others can understand.
3. Be willing to answer questions to support your point of view.

4. Be open to changing your mind if the information presented genuinely sways you.

In my experience, once most people have made a decision or been influenced by those around them, they hold onto that ideal like the proverbial “dog with a bone.” If a true spirit of wanting to learn or understand isn’t present, the conversation can easily turn into a heated debate, with both sides insisting on forcing their opinions on other people. Without the desire to find truth, the outcome will often be unfavorable. Our objectives in these conversations should be to share our perspective with people who want to listen.

My conversation about the Trump Impeachment was a little bit different. Although it was an early morning texting conversation on Facebook Messenger, there was a discussion. It is, of course, a little harder to have a linear conversation when you are typing a long comment and they are responding to the previous comments at the same time, but none the less, a very constructive conversation took place. Her opinion was formed from following Trump for years prior to his Presidential election as well as what is presented on the news and other media outlets. Since she lives outside the U.S., she shared what she calls her “outsider” opinion. It is always very enlightening to hear what people in other countries think, not just about politics but about business, books, social media, movies, etc. because they, just like us, are a product of our own environment. We learn what we are exposed to, which means our Filters are different. In the #12Books12Months series, I explain in detail what those Filters are and how we develop our attitudes and how to recognize our Hot Spots, but we will leave that for another time.

If you saw my blog post a few weeks ago on #WorldHelloDay where I talked about being an #Honorary Aussie you can see the way Americans and Aussie’s express some things is completely different. That is what makes international travel and working with clients in different countries so fascinating. I must learn to understand the differences between us so that I can find, or build, the bridge to connect us. My goal is not to change someone else’s mind, it is to expose them to my perspective while learning theirs, so we can each weigh what we hear, with what we know. The results will either solidify our current position or soften it. Either way, it is an educational experience and we are not always going to agree.

It is healthy to have an honest discussion, or even a debate with a colleague or friend, but only if that person is also subscribing to the 4 Musts, listed above. If you are in the conversation to see another viewpoint, but they refuse to listen to anything you have to say, the learning angle becomes mute and inevitably either turns into an argument or you choose to withdraw. It is unfortunate that sometimes the loudest, most obnoxious person often “wins” the debate because the other person just gives up.

Asking Great Questions

Removing yourself from an argument is a wise thing to do, but it is wiser to not get involved in the first place. There are a lot of “know it all’s” and “right fighters” who will lure anyone they can into a debate so they can flex their verbosity muscle just to hear themselves talk.

When someone makes a statement you disagree with, instead of confronting them on it, I recommend asking a clarifying question. One that will allow the other party to explain what they meant before you go into full confrontation mode to tongue-lash them into submission.

“What makes you say that?” or “Why do you feel that way?” allows them plenty of room to clarify their position and for you to evaluate their temperament. Are they interested in your opinion or are they speaking to be the center of attention? Some additional questions like “Help me understand your position.” or “What made you come to that conclusion?” probe a little deeper and allow you to identify if they are well versed in the topic or are just regurgitating what they have heard from others. If there is an articulate conversation to be had, I will still usually ask a question instead of stating a fact or opinion, like “Have you ever considered this idea?” or “Is it possible that this occurred?” That again allows them the space to think about the question, without confronting their current belief system. People that don’t have a true understanding of the topic will either bow out of the conversation or come at you aggressively. Both show a lack of communication skills.

Which brings us back to this Trump Impeachment conversation. Most people I’ve encountered have already decided what they think, and much of it is negative. I may ruffle a few feathers here, but I am willing to dip my toe in the controversial hot water for the sake of an honest and open discussion. Although I am certainly no political analyst, I have listened to hearings, transcripts, audio recordings, etc., which lead me to more questions of context, relationships and responsibility. When I hear the media spin, I feel like I am stuck in the Twilight Zone because the conjecture involved is not unbiased journalism.

Journalistic Objectivity

Journalistic Objectivity is the notion that reporting agencies and journalists should avoid overt partiality by not making judgments and steering clear of doubts and ambiguity. Here is a direct quote from Wikipedia:

“Objectivity in journalism aims to help the audience make up their own mind about a story, providing the facts alone and then letting audiences interpret those on their own. To maintain objectivity in journalism, journalists should present the facts whether or not they like or agree with those facts. Objective reporting is meant to portray issues and events in a neutral and unbiased manner, regardless of the writer’s opinion or personal beliefs.”

When I watch the news, I sometimes see newscasters and reporters openly mocking President Trump, especially regarding his lips and his hair. Although those two things have no true value to his Presidency and whether or not he should be impeached, the derogatory comments provide the Trump Haters a ticket to board the “Mocking Train” and spread a message that is irrelevant instead of staying on topic about the politics.

I have also noticed that sometimes although the delivery of the information may be in a neutral tone, the spin on the content, is often one-sided. I’m not specifying the accuracy, I am saying the “spin” has been a tool of the political trade for centuries and therefore it is up to us to try to sift through the rhetoric to find the truth. In my opinion, the best way to do that is to listen to the information, talk to trusted friends or advisers and gather all the relevant data, whether it is favorable or not. That will give us a vantage point that is focused on the facts instead of being swayed by the spin of the media outlets to bring some integrity back to the process.

In closing, I want to say that being a leader is hard. The scrutiny you are under is often overwhelming, especially in the political arena. It is the slanderous messages thrown around that are destroying reputations and clouding people’s opinions. What’s worse is that those who don’t defend themselves are thrown into the political blender as chum for the next candidate.

I believe leaders should absolutely be held to account for what they are doing, but we must also be careful of both the pedal stool we place others on and our tendency to knock them off.

As for the conversation with my friend on the Trump Impeachment; she ended our lovely and insightful conversation with “You are an amazing lady. No matter what happens politically, that’s politics, not our relationship.”

So for now, whether you love, hate or are neutral on the Trump Presidency, let’s try to raise the bar a little and follow this ideal:

[Tweet “Respect the Office… even if you don’t respect the man.”]

In the coming weeks, I will be sharing on some other hot and controversial topics so stay tuned!

Until next time…

Dream it, Believe it, Achieve it – Vicki